An Open Door

I often reflect how we had such a small window of time with Srila Prabhupada. During those eight brief years, some of us had personal time and training with him that left indelible marks on our consciousness. I was one of those people. Although I left his movement in 1986 he was never removed from my being. In moving towards greater balance I reassembled many understandings and experiences. I went into unhealed areas, released unexpected emotions and took on some difficult lessons - but never was I alone. At no time did I feel judged by God or Guru.

Sometimes in our awe and reverence for him, Prabhupada’s human nature was overlooked. We saw it when people went hungry or when a disciple would leave, or when he would get criticized and in the end when he took time to assure the well being of his former wife and family. In his attempt to create a social body he tried many things. Some worked well some didn’t. This is in no way a criticism. It is my personal observation of a human being and a Mahatma trying to bring the light of Radha Krsna into the world based on his own upbringing and the profound influence of his guru maharaja.

In the orchestration of his ISKCON, Prabhupada and Krsna sent many people to me to help develop their spiritual lives. Although the imperfections can be noted, I know that for who I was at the time I tried to give 100% of my self to everyone. For those of you who still have a connection and want to begin new communications, my close friend Guru Gauranga and my son Vaisnava have opened these cyber channels.

You may not agree with what follows but this is who I am. I am sorry for the confusion and disruption that came from the way I left but integrating form and essence is not always smooth. Everyday is another opportunity to begin again. Death leads to new life and new life leads to new love. We live in a time of war and natural disaster, of kali yuga politics and phantom wealth. The house that everyone can live under safely still needs to be constructed.